I've hit a bit of a wall today, to much of which has been spent wandering around my flat looking for biscuits like it's the 27th of December rather than the 18th. I'm heading back to my mother's tomorrow - she's recovering from a hip replacement and is currently less mobile than she was when I left added to which the dog has sustained an injury (a bad tear to her ear which became infected) and is not handling the cone collar at all well. It makes her panic, so help is needed on all fronts.
Logically I know that all I've done whilst I'm back home is go to the post office, pick up prescriptions, and have one quick browse around a quiet Waterstones all of which I'd have done anyway, but current news coverage is having me second guess myself at every turn and I'm wondering how everybody else is coping at the moment?
We're past the point of considering if the Government's policy for Christmas was misguided or not, but I'm thoroughly fed up with the current debate (don't lift restrictions at all v it would be inhuman to keep people apart). Very few of us will be having what we think of as a normal Christmas - even if we normally spend the day alone there's the whole build up, and a host of traditions that are not fit for purpose this year. The idea that it's a simple thing, even if hard, to cancel plans is unfair. Everybody's circumstances are different, and the endless judgement of 2020 ha been one of it's least appealing features.
Spending the last couple of months in the country was a bit of a revelation about how people behave as well. My building has been quite rule compliant - with a couple of spectacular exceptions in the summer I've certainly not been aware of neighbours breaking the rules, and when the students came back their behaviour was notably modified. From my mothers window it was clear that there was a lot more casual rule breaking around her, and even people having dinner parties during lockdown. It does not surprise me that 1 in 5 have admitted to breaking the rules about going into peoples houses, it wouldn't be surprised if the actual number was higher, and this is the crux of the Christmas debate, and the thing that isn't really being discussed. There are to many people who will simply carry on regardless.
All of it has been the final mood killer, so now I'm trying to focus on boxing day and beyond. I have a lot of good books, a new 1000 piece jigsaw of Botticelli's 'Birth of Venus' (£7 bargain from The Works back in October) some festive chocolate, a stash of good biscuits that I resisted earlier, and coffee to go with them, as well as some serious knitting plans - and renewed attempts to find a job to look forward too. There are some fun things being arranged via Twitter (I'm mostly thinking of the Georgette Heyer Readalong, but it's not the only thing I've bookmarked), I'm saving podcasts and am thinking of re listening to some of my favourite Backlisted episodes, and lots of other small acts of what I'm afraid I'm going to have to term self care.
The biggest of these will be helping mum for as long as she'll let me. Having her and the dogs company is a massive boost which I'll be making the most of whilst I can, and whilst she needs me. I hope everybody reading this has got their own program of little things to look forward to in what is otherwise promising to be a fairly miserable winter.
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