I can't bear shopping for jeans. It drives me mad. I have yet to find that elusive denim brand that I know I can trust so right now my jeans come from all corners of the high street. The problem? I'm tall but thin.
I find that Topshop drastically over estimate the sizes on their tall range. Most of their jeans are way too long and too big around the waist. Which means that to get the right size for me - the ends of the jeans are incredibly long. I could trim them but that means effort.
If I go for their regular range then I am stuck dealing with having to try jeans that are six times too big for me to get the length. I can't win.
I don't know why the high street wrongly assume that most tall women are chubby either. It's the not the only brand that I have come across that feature large waist bands for tiny tall people. I'm not by any means skinny or underweight but I am not a size 14 either. I am so annoyed with having to constantly compromise on some form of denim just to get the size right!
But there is one thing that is actually worse then denim shopping......bikini shopping.
I've booked tickets to go to Spain in July. I know that my summer wardrobe (basically slightly skimpier black clothing) is all fine but I don't have anything swimsuit related. I need something I can wear and possibly re-wear as bras. No seriously, I don't wear a normal bra I actually normally wear bikinis. Apparently I am not alone in this either!
So far I have found the type of bikinis that horrify me. Covered in jewels, studs, glitter and sequins - is it that hard to find a normal bikini with nothing girly on it? In a normal color and not neon orange??? River Island seems hell bent on making my job a lot harder as well. I actually saw a swimsuit with ruffles on it - ruffles!
But the simple reason I hate bikini shopping is not down to something as simple as a few stray studs but rather the horrible truths it makes us confront as women. I put a bikini on and I am uncomfortable from the start. I suddenly notice my arms, my lack of boobs, my thighs and the scars on my stomach. While the focus of my holiday is getting my anxiety stress related freak outs under control by way of complete relaxation - it seems I'm going to be madly uncomfortable while I do it.
Back in the day when I was about 21, I didn't care. I used to work in PR and events management and frequently filled in when guests cancelled with skits and performances. Which meant I spent a lot of time in underwear on stages and corsets as well. I didn't care. In fact I embraced my shape - I was a bit bigger then - and I just didn't care. However my personality was one thing I was uncomfortable about and preferred to keep hidden. Now as I'm older (cough 27 cough) I don't really care if people like my personality or not - god knows its strong enough - but I would die if someone saw me in a bikini. I'd rather it this way though.
It's funny isn't it. I never thought I would be the type of person to get worried about their body like that but I do. Not to say that I didn't have the usual female hang ups when I was younger - I HATED my thighs and boobs - but now I prefer to cover everything up. So yeah, not looking forward to bikini shopping this summer. At all.
But you know what, I'm going to do something about it. I'm actually going to stop caring and I'm going to post a pic of me in my bikini here. I'm going to point out what I actually do like instead of giving too much of my time to noticing my disgusting upper arms. Right. It's a plan.
*Why is it always the upper arms with women??? Side note but I don't know one woman who is happy with their upper arms. My mother has a complete fear of hers and so do I. I HATE THEM!
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