Jessica Simpson Wears the Pants

Jessica Simpson is on a book tour, presumably for a book she wrote. I assume it's about yo-yo dieting and making terrible music, but she should be out there because I say she looks pretty damn good considering she's had 83 babies. How can she be almost 40 years old? It seems like only yesterday she was so young you could go to prison for thinking she was hot. And trust me, plenty of guys never said anything about it out loud back when, for about 18 months, her and Britney Spears basically ruled the whole jail-bait teen universe. And now they're middle aged women with a whole gaggle of kids and ex-husbands between them. Life is funny like that I guess. But totally not in a haha funny kind of way.